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I feel really shitty lately. I'm not sure why, it continues even on the days when I go out of my way to ensure that I get a full night's sleep. It doesn't seem to make a great deal of difference. I still feel shitty in the morning, just less so.
Not sure what I can do about it. I eat healthier than I was for a while, but it doesn't seem to help. I'm tempted to load up and go on another giant shopping trip (like I used to, bi-monthly, before I got out of the habit), but I really don't want to run up any more expenses. I'm not sure it'd even make any difference if I did that, either.
I think I'm actually becoming a sociopath. I find myself actively avoiding people, and staying at home at times when I think others will be around. It wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't forced to deal with society's dregs on a daily basis to pay the bills, but after a full day of arguing with people about ID and having someone insist than "Henny VSOP is stronger than the regular" and other such painfully idiotic positions that I run into on a daily basis, I want to crawl into a hole and hide from the world. I used to make an effort to be sociable and try to spend time with other people, friends of friends and such. Hell, even fairly recently (a year ago or so) I was wanting to get out and meet people, make some local friends. I no longer have any desire to do that. I am perfectly content with my social circle being 1300+ miles away. They can come here, I can go there... but I'm not going to meet new ones. I have enough friends.
I got a rejection notice from Target the other day. Official "fuck off" notice. I'm debating if it's worth calling Eddie (my old ETL from 1476) and having him vouch for me. I don't know if that'll help. And even if it does, am I sure I want to go back to the company that I ran away from practically full-tilt? I know I need money, but I keep wondering if there's a better way.
I am sick to death of people telling me "be thankful you have a job", or if it's someone trying to console me (parents, friends) "things will get better". Of course I was able to geta job. Almost anyone can get a job, even in this economy if they lower their standards enough. As far as things getting better... I sure as fuck don't see it coming. I'm honestly starting to thank that it's not even possible for things to get better... only worse. As a general rule, mind you. Not even just specifically applicable to me.
I have several posts in the queue, but I haven't felt like working on any of them lately. And I also have several calls to make, as well as a bunch of photos to go through. Eventually, there will be the "visit" posts, but I don't know when I'm going to feel enough in the mood to sit down and pound out the last bits of those. I keep meaning to on days off, but those somehow always seem be consumed by laundry, sleep, and massive inertia.
I've made a large amount of progress with my (seemingly) eternal project: the MP3 dump. I'm down to just a week's worth of work. Well, straight through, that is. Mostly what's left is a Temptations discog, a few gigs of random music, and the complete Bach collection. After that's done, I'll have all of my music sorted, filed, and imported into my iTunes library. I'm already up past 55,000 songs, and 320GB.State Of Mind:  blah What's Playing: VNV Nation - Weltfunk (Unreleased) |
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Well, space is cold. It’s so fuckin' lonely
And though I’m bold. I’m pretty fuckin' homely
I got a heavy load. It’s fuckin' overwhelming
And I may explode. This motherfuckin' ship I’m helming
I had a rough day at work
And my back really hurts
The crew don’t take me seriously they just look at me and smirk
I’ll just go back to my quarters and jerk my Kirk
You pass me in the corridors
You never ever notice me lurking
I’m spending all my time alone
Nobody knows how hard I’m working it
I wanna take a voyage home
‘Cause right now I’m going berserk and
The places where my fantasies roam
Have got my blood burning
I had a rough day at work
And my back really hurts
I’m gonna quit star fleet and be a motherfuckin' file clerk
Or just go back to my quarters and jerk my Kirk
All by myself
In my own private hell
My quarters are a dungeon
And my mind is a cell
Where I’m locked up tight
Alone every night
Losing the battle of a Pon farr fight
And I can’t get control
I’m never ever done
I can’t let go of my own number one
But I try
God I try
If I could just stop and re-supply
But I know
I’m never gonna stop
Jerking my Kirk ‘til the day I drop
And I know nothing works
I’m always gonna have to jerk my KirkState Of Mind:  cranky What's Playing: Warp 11 - Jerk My Kirk |
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Wow.
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Jun. 16th, 2009 @ 09:53 pm
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The experience I just had is difficult to put into words, but I shall try nonetheless.
I was driving down Dale Mabry, and tossed a CD in. It felt like an EBM mood, so I skipped around until I found Until The End Of The World, and I turned the volume up to 20. A few seconds into it, I felt the skin all over my head and torso tingle, and was almost overcome with this warm, pleasant feeling.
My first instinct is to draw a parallel to having an orgasm, but I haven't had one like that in a very long time. And this didn't involve my genitals in the slightest.
Whatever it was, it was amazing, and I want another one.State Of Mind:  content What's Playing: Apoptygma Berzerk - Until The End Of The World |
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You can blame this one on ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) delfinus. She was the one who went and started me thinking down this line.
Poll #1386084 Best Sex Music
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 6Best music to get it on to:
View AnswersClubby (techno, trance, EBM)
   2 (33.3%) Modern Rock (White Stripes, Incubus, The Killers)
0 (0.0%) R&B / Rap (yech)
0 (0.0%) Metal (hard and fast, baby!)
0 (0.0%) Emo / Goth (I hurt myself to feel alive!)
0 (0.0%) Classic Rock (Floyd, Doors, Queen, Stones, etc)
2 (33.3%) Weird Shit (Bloodhound Gang, Butthole Surfers)
0 (0.0%) Something Else
2 (33.3%) State Of Mind:  tired |
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Another boring Sunday. Though of course interlaced with all the nothingness was entirely too many young out of state (and even local) young college students. I hate large groups of young people. Odds are that out of a group of three or more, one of them has either "forgotten" their ID, is underage, or doesn't have one. It's not so bad when people take it at face value and just leave, but the ones that try to argue or reason with you are the ones you just want to smack. If I had a dime for every time I've head "oh, she don't drink" or "how about I step outside and he'll buy?" I'd be a rich man.
Played DJ tonight with the iPod and FM transmitter. We had Tool and Deftones. Both nice hard sounds, and no profusion of profanity (which I don't care about, but when playing over the work system, I need to be pretty anal with).
Going to head to bed earlier than usual so I still have some energy after work tomorrow. I have a bunch of shit to do before the trip, and not much time left to be doing it in.State Of Mind: annoyed |
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According to Heather (co-worker of mine) the nosebleed seats at the Ford Amphitheater aren't as bad as I was expecting. So I might well be able to afford to go see Jimmy after all. $29 for a ticket I can manage.State Of Mind: hopeful What's Playing: Jimmy Buffett - Mañana |
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Jimmy Buffett's Summerzcool tour will be swinging through Tampa on the 25th of April. Ticket prices at the previous venue ran from $29.00 (standing room on the lawn god knows how far back) to $129.00 and up (anything closer than the lawn). I can't afford that, but I really really want to go. This sucks.State Of Mind:  disappointed What's Playing: Mind.In.A.Box - Leave |
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Made more progress with the pile of music. Another solid day off devoted to it, and I might be down to just the last discogs, no more loose files.
I feel like I wasted my day off, even though I didn't have anything planned. And for the life of me, I don't know why. It's not like I had anything I missed out on doing. I blame the new bullshit schedule at work that breaks up my days off. I felt so much more rested and got more done when I had them as a block... and it gave me a carrot to dangle to help me make it through the workweek.State Of Mind: blah What's Playing: The Doors - The End |
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I've been kind of delinquent with both this and being reachable by IM lately. My sleep patterns have gotten even more erratic than usual, leading to me passing out on the couch while eating dinner a couple of times this week, only to wake at 1-2AM and putter around for a few hours (primarily because there are a few things I need to do to get ready for work, but then I can't go right back to sleep after having taken care of those).
Also, after having taken a break on the music again, I picked it back up again tonight. The end is nearing. Only a handful more loose, then it's on to the massive Grateful Dead and Johnny Cash discographies, and from there, the final task... the 206 disc complete Bach set.
Even after having gotten the larger iPod (160GB now) I still find myself feeling it's inadequate in some ways. I have 292Gb of music so far, and that's growing as I finish fixing the tags on the ones in the "todo" folder.State Of Mind: tired What's Playing: Queen - Seven Seas Of Rhye... |
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I kind of fell out of the habit of posing. I was trying to get stuff done again, and this time it seems like I did get around to most of it.
Went grocery shopping again. There's more food in the kitchen than it can actually contain, so I have boxes sitting on top of the counters and stove (yeah, yeah, fire hazard). I got some good deals on some frozen stuff at SuperTarget, so the fridge and freezer are packed as well.
I got fed up tripping over the extension cords I had to re-string in the bedroom, so I got a longer one and stapled the fuckers to the wall. No more of this shit. Until or unless it ever gets actually fixed, I have a workable solution.
Watched Seven Pounds. Very good movie. Heartwarming without being sappy. I highly recommend it.
Handbrake's latest update (to 0.9.3 from 0.9.2) actually severely cripples it. If you actually plan to use it to rip DVDs, don't upgrade it. On OS X, anyway. No idea if it's as bad on Win32 or Linux. They removed the built-in DVD decryption, and the one it uses that ships with VLC decodes pretty colored blocks from DVDs that ripped fine with the built-in decoder. You have been warned.
New schedule at work is fucking up my chiropractic routine. I had to cancel my last appointment, and I'm really feeling it. I wish corporate would make up their minds and stick with a fucking truck schedule. Then again, this is partly Mike's fault, too. Him going back to school and all. It's not like having Fridays off is any benefit to me. I'll still have to work Saturday and Sunday.
Had some unpleasant experiences on the road. As I was pulling out of a parking lot trying to take a blind turn, some teenagers in a pickup truck laid on the horn and were generally aggressive pricks. Eventually, they swerved around me and floored it. Almost got hit by a minivan. Then when I finally thought it was safe, another pickup truck (pattern, anyone?) zooms from beyond the range of visibility and about slams into the back of me. They were easily doing 10 over. Mind you, this was already a 45. And of course, they couldn't tap the brakes until I'd finished changing lanes, oh no. They just had to lay on the horn. One of the few times I've ever fully lost it to road rage. I actually rolled down the window and screamed "reckless prick!" as loud as I could.
Got some new music, because a few items I'd been watching on Amazon finally became available used. I've wanted the Ashcan School CD (Down By The Tracks) for ages now, and picked it up for a buck plus ship. I'm enjoying it a lot.
There's some dealing with the insurance company still to come (I knew they'd fuck me, they always do). This time the party to be yelled at is Esurance and not Progressive.
Cleaned the bathroom, with the notable exception of the shower wall. I don't know what the fuck is up with that soap scum and/or mildew, but it's on there so hard that I have to scrub for minutes at a time to clear a 3"x3" square. I don't have enough energy (or really care enough) to do that to god knows how many square feet of the rest of it.
I have some video and stuff to share in a later post when I get a chance (probably Saturday night, but maybe Sunday).
I guess that wasn't as quick as I thought it would be.State Of Mind: accomplished What's Playing: Jimmy Buffett - Knees Of My Heart |
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Stuff
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Dec. 8th, 2008 @ 04:34 am
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Well, I managed to get rid of those electronics I wanted to recycle. The TV and the other crap is long gone. Good riddance, and I'm glad to have reclaimed my floor space.
The indian-sounding guy still wants the gum rack, and hopefully I'll be selling that to him on Wednesday.
I have heard "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" no less than 25 times at work. The xmas music is really starting to take it's toll on the thin veneer of sanity I have.
Someone paid using an extremely old $2 bill at work. I immediately bought it from the drawer. It's a series C 1953. Been in circulation (or more likely someone's collection) for 55 years. It looks very different from the next-oldest I have in my collection, a 1978 note. The back is entirely different (an image of the Montecello instead of the signing of the declaration of independence), and part of the front is printed with red ink. At first glance, I thought it was a silver certificate, and those are rare as fuck and worth ridiculous amounts of money (because of the price of silver these days). Needless to say, I'm quite proud of that. It's one of the cooler things about working there, running into the odd cash and being able to collect some of it.
Fatphin (pyrophin) has not seen 2001: A Space Odyssey. How the fuck he managed that, I do not know. I made a "my god, it's full of stars" reference, and it went completely over his head.
I keep getting ideas for good posts to LJ that I never manage to remember until I get a chance to get to a device to post them. It's really annoying, and I have no one to blame but myself.State Of Mind: accomplished What's Playing: Strontium 90 (Police) - Lady Of Delight |
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For those of you that recall one of the more memorable scenes in Star Trek IV. The song that's playing on the boombox of the "punk on bus". I didn't realize that if you listen to the whole thing, it's kind of catchy.
If anyone has a copy, or knows of a way to download the streaming MP3 (I couldn't find a URL in the source of that page) I'd appreciate it if you'd share.
State Of Mind: amused What's Playing: Edge Of Etiquette - I Hate You |
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If
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Oct. 9th, 2008 @ 04:21 am
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I haven't posted much lately because (as is the case often of late) there hasn't really been anything going on. Work, days off and then wasting those days of lazing around.
I took one of the sets of shelves that was designated to be thrown out at work. I'm going to try to sell it, maybe Craigslist will hook me up with someone who will be willing to pay ten or twenty dollars for it. If I can't find anyone to sell it to, I'll be happy to give it away. Beats it ending up in the dumpster.
Tagged a bunch more music yesterday. Spent way too much time doing that, and then reorganizing the server's directory layout so that it's more logical.
No progress on getting the wiring fixed in the bedroom. I haven't decided on a tactic yet... do I pay an electrician to fix it, and then deduct that cost from the rent? Do I not pay my rent until it's fixed? Do I call the Department of housing? I don't know what to do. I know if I don't treat this situation right, I'll end up having to move. Either they evict me, or if I get code enforcement or the housing department on them, they'll refuse to let me sign a new lease since I'll have proven a "troublemaker". Whatever I'm going to do, I'll need to make up my mind by the end of the month.
I ran into a cat on my way to do the laundry. Since I'm a cat person, I coaxed it over to me and petted it. After initial skittishness, it warmed up to me enough to not only be petted and held, it followed me to the laundry building, and then back to my front door afterwards. Then, it sat outside my door meowing for a few minutes. And when I went to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer, it came back and followed me again. I don't know if it's just someone's neglected pet outdoor cat, or a stray, but it seemed pretty starved for affection. I want to take it in, but I'm concerned that if it has an owner they'd come looking for it. Well, that and I really don't have room in my budget for animal care at the moment.
Noticed rust coming back on my car on the freshly-painted spot below the doors. Fucking christ. That's the area where it's through the panel, too. Nothing else I can really do, so I threw another coat of paint on it.
There's a lot of "ifs" in my life lately. It's like a MetLife ad from hell. If only, if this happens, etc. It's very frustrating.
I applied for a couple more jobs. Still no word on either of them.State Of Mind: blah What's Playing: Sting - Seven Days |
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Well, the car stereo finally stopped co-operating. Completely refuses to eject the disc no matter how hard or how many times I pound on the eject button. Also, there's something wrong with the dock I have on the dash. Somewhere along the line-in setup, there's a hiss that's annoyingly audible under the music. So I have that to contend with, or the single techno CD that's stuck in there that I must have heard 100 times through by now.
I wonder if the deck is actually fucked and needs to be replaced, or if maybe just futzing with the wiring in the back or it will help? I might give that a shot when I've got some free time.
It's not like I've been hard on the goddamned thing. I have no idea why it's acting so testy. I'd just replace it, but I can't afford to do so.State Of Mind: annoyed What's Playing: Brian May - Business |
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I got an email on the 2nd of September announcing that "nin.com members will have access to purchase tickets for the upcoming orlando, fl performance in advance of tickets going on sale to the public.".
Fuck.
Thy was right about concert-going alone, and add to that the simple fact that I absolutely cannot afford the price of a ticket and the gas to get to/from Orlando right now. It fucking sucks.State Of Mind: disappointed What's Playing: Weird Al Yankovic - Everything You Know Is Wrong |
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The building maintenance man came by yesterday to look at the electric circuit in the bedroom. For the past two weeks (possibly longer) I've had problems with the lights (and clock, and anything else on that circuit) flickering when I turned the lamp or closet light on. Further inspection revealed that the culprit is most likely the light in the closet itself, since turning that on triggers a major flickering episode, whereas just turning on the switch for the lamp does not. Also, there was some nice charring on the top of the pull chain. The guy who came said that a new light was on order.
I feel very restless today, like I want to do something, but can't seem to get started. Yet it's almost slipped by already.
The situation with the stereo in my car is getting intolerable. The faceplate will go blank, only showing stuff again after I push on it on the right side, or tap it a few times. Probably has something to do with how I religiously remove the faceplate each time I park the car for more than an hour, most likely. But with crime as high as it is in this ghetto-y part of the city where I live, what else can I do? The newest fun is that the CD eject button doesn't want to work. Fun glitch, that. I have to hammer it six or seven times, sometimes quite hard to get it to spit the disc out. Of course, neither of those would be quite so bad if it wasn't for the hissing problem I have with my iPod dock / line input setup. It'll work fine for a long time, and then I'll go and brush by the wire. Hissssssss. I have no idea why it does that (audio equipment has never really been my forte) but the only way to get it to stop is to jiggle the wire until it stops, which can take a long time. Not to mention, be extremely distracting while driving.
My digital picture frame is still fucked, incidentally. Sitting on the corner of my desk waiting for me to get the time and incentive to dissect it to see if I can "fix" it, which (as with all the things in my life that break for no apparent reason) of course be impossible since I'll have just as little idea why it "just stopped" when I take it apart as I do now.
I know it's really getting to be a mantra, but I really hate being poor. It ties my hands when it's time to replace anything. I know intellectually that no product really lasts forever, and that I should be prepared to accept the fact that eventually, all my stuff is going to need to be replaced. But, when you can't afford to replace stuff when it breaks, it's not a cheery thought to have when you know that stuff dies... because then, you're just going to not have stuff at some point. I'd like a new TV (because mine's showing major signs of wear by now) but it ain't in the cards. My car needs work, and I can't afford it.State Of Mind: complacent What's Playing: Jack Nitzsche - Starman Leaves (End Title) |
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Music
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Aug. 13th, 2008 @ 09:33 pm
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I ran out to the Sweetbay up the road to get some munchies for my movie since I'm out of popcorn. On the way, Can I Play With Madness? started to play on my iPod (which is set to shuffle). A night driving favorite of mine, it brought a smile to my face.
As I was crossing the lot into the store I noticed Wild Horses coming from a restaurant / bar called "Tijuana Flats Burrito Cafe". Not a terribly common song for a third party to be playing, and it was being done pretty well.
On my way out, my ear picked up Son Of A Son Of A Sailor coming from that general direction, and pretty damn well. I decided to rule out that it was actually Jimmy playing (you never know) so I went in for a look. It wasn't, but the guy seemed pretty talented. Might have to check the place out some time.State Of Mind: pleased What's Playing: KMFDM - Ready To Blow |
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I find I have Billy Idol's Dancing With Myself stuck in my head for no reason I'm able to identify. It's odd.
I realized today as I was eating lunch that of the four flavors of ramen noodles that I eat (oriental, shrimp, chili, and mushroom) only the mushroom flavored ones don't start to dissolve if made and left in the fridge to be eaten for lunch the next day. It's strange... the others start to dissolve, but the mushroom ones are just as solid 14 hours later as when you first finish cooking them.
I was right about the truck being there to fix the A/C. It was working when I got home. That'll make it a lot easier to sleep. Not being sweaty as a pig will be nice.State Of Mind: tired What's Playing: Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus (Live) |
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Looks like I finally ironed the annoying catches out. I'm streaming MP3 radio at longbottle.dnsalias.org:8000 now, at 256Kb. Max allowed connections is 16. Feel free to check it out. I put it up primarily for my own use, since 200GB+ of music would be a little difficult to carry on my person, or even in my laptop, but I have more than enough bandwidth and CPU power to spare to share it.State Of Mind: accomplished What's Playing: Wolfsheim - Anybody's Window (909 Remix) |
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I hate shoes.
At work, they're one of the most annoying things to deal with, either on the salesfloor, or in the backroom. In fact, scratch that... they are the single most annoying thing to deal with.
First things first. I was pretty much by myself in the "old" stockroom for most of the day. Things weren't going too badly until I got to the perpetual softlines mess. Only today, everything else was tiny, and shoes was... just obscene. Crap from the past two days, crap from today, crap from the transition that they didn't push properly and now had to be backstocked. I just stared at it, stunned for a couple of moments. Then, I dove in. Lasted about 25 minutes before I said "the fuck I'm doing this in silence!" and brought the radio from the other end of the stockroom. Plugged it in, and banged out a flat, a tub, seven shopping carts, a pile of loose stuff, and LOCU'd the aisle. Of course, that large amount (had to be around 300 pairs of shoes) was but a drop in the bucket. When I left, there was still a massive amount, easily 12 carts, a couple flats, a tub, and some more stuff on the floor.
At least the radio kept me from going completely up the bend today. The benefit of having the stockroom by myself was being able to pick the radio station and not have to put up with anyone else whining about it. The local "80s and more" station is actually pretty decent, and worth listening to.
Before I left, I told Nate to tell Chris (my evil boss) to call me if he actually showed up, since I was pretty sure I'd be on overtime if I came in the next day (four ten-hour shifts tend to do that). So, he did. And when he called me, it pretty much went as I expected. So, extra day off. Sweet.State Of Mind: relaxed What's Playing: Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again |
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